Smart ass cops and IT

I’ve an interesting ‘Gajab cha baa’ moment to share folks. Its IT related, sort of. This dates back don’t know when. Apparently this colleague of mine was pursuing his merry business one fine morning in his motorbike. All of a sudden these policemen stop him for a check. It happened to be ‘sankat kaal’. The maoist were rampant everywhere. Our quiet friend was carrying a few books on programming languages and one of them happened to be on PHP. This smart ass cop pulls the book (red in color with yellow PHP text on it) out and looks as if he’s trying to make sense. The other cop standing by quickly makes a remark,”PHP lekya cha…k ho yo..PracHanda Path ho ki kya ho…..k ho bhai ..daari saari paalya cha …mao baadi ho ki kya ho”….then the first police adds…”raato cha kitaab pani….”. The poor programmer quickly replies,”Yo ta computer ko kitaap ho sir”, …..the cops shout in unison flicking the pages of the book over,”khoi computer ko kitaab bhanya hoina ta….euta pani computer ko chitra chaina”.........”utri bike bata….tero ramro sanga jaanch garna paryo….”.

Spare a thought what the situation have been like.

My Future Wife

One day I went to a future teller

Ragged old man this

Was a wily little fate seller

Lined up were all beings

Students, grooms and businessmen

Eager to know their upcoming things

Enter did I, so curiously

Told was I to sit on the floor

Gaze he did at me very feverishly

Chanting away he let it flow

My past and my future

The scars, the wins he let all glow

He told my wife would be from the north

The family, the education and the house

He said all facts back and forth

Upbeat and flattered soul

How relieving? How interesting?

How wonderful to foresee my goal

Went I the other day to the town she lived

Waited all morning to see

The moment when she finally arrived

Nothing short of a princess she was

All graceful, hot and trendy

Oh my goodness so very perfect she was

I followed her the next few days

Who she met? What did she do?

And I gathered all her ways

But this day she was with this man

She was all wrapped up in him

Utterly horrified I was lost for a plan

I just couldn’t believe the scene

But she was meant for me, I muttered

I couldn’t even intervene

Devastated of my vivid prospect

This untimely tragedy hurt so bad

Completely deserted I lost all the respect

Of these shifty no-good fortune tellers

For he let my future wife loose

I sorrowfully discovered they are mere money dwellers

NO RAJYA NO KHAS-KHAS

If Prithvi Narayan Shah were here now he would have said Nepal is a common bhool-bari of 5 parties (Maoists, communists, congress, forum, raa-pra-paa) and 14 rajyas (ethnic states). I am khas (Aryan) by origin and live in the proposed Newa state. We are just at the proposal stage of these states so let’s not feel all is lost yet. The million dollar question is what will happen next after this has been approved. Is this the inauguration of another civil confrontation that we’ve been watching all over the world in recline? Or is it just another tool to divide and rule? I beg for your answers my racial friends! I couldn’t tell just a few years back how many in the class were limbus, how many chetris or how many madhisez. Do we want our children to be able to make a distinction? The demons need to be stopped. I don’t want to be said that I have a pointed nose and hairy chin therefore I should go live in an XYZ state.

AIDS Day With A Bang

I observed the AIDS day on its next day at Battisputali. The roads were blocked; the speakers honked the beats out of the neighbourhood. It was Robin who was appropriately singing with his twisted Nepali accent, the song, Bhoolma Bhulyo. I am not sure the people who gathered there had a clue what the concert was about. Not because it wasn’t being announced over the microphone but they all seemed drunk, drugged whatever and in excellent party mood. The very fact that WE don’t worry much about things that happen around us has been the root cause of our lack of mental and national development. We just don’t care as long as we are not being directly hit by a burning train. AIDS, corruption, litter disposal, general awareness etc all bear the same story. Just a handful of people die with AIDS every year. More people get killed by not washing their hands after wiping their bottoms.

Robin popped out funny practical jokes between the songs. After playing a few songs he was gasping and sweating. He takes off his jacket which the crowd follows with a loud cheer. He then addresses that with…… “I am gonna take all my clothes one by one.. even when I get totally naked you will (crowd) still see a condom on my thing… “..ha ha ha….

Each and every one jumped with laughter. They all seemed to understand what he was trying to say. May be this is how messages need to be imparted to the general public. May be they understand when it’s downright rude and crude. Because all the earlier announcements by the cute lady MC dodged peoples notice.

Jokes aside yapping about wisdom and genius ideas is not taking the situation anywhere. Every grumpy citizen of this country should write down their ethics on a piece of paper and stick it on their body spray can. A little fun here and their wont harm anybody or the economy of this country but lets start thinking about the greater good and future. And never forget to wear a condom before having sex with a third person. I have nothing to say about idiots who can’t afford a syringe of their own to get high. They don’t want to live anyway.

Webpage Models

God save the women of this country. I ain’t surfing sites to see innocent faced forcibly crouched interior display girls for fun. There is posing, style and fashion in one hand, but the call girl photography just defies my belief that people get caught into this. Both the posers and the happy surfers. Who are they trying to fool? The thing to note here is I don’t think any Nepali model will flash their bra-content on their own unless hoaxed by drooling camera guys and the arrangers. I would happily set up awareness camps to put some sanity into these girls that people would rather watch an x rated film than invest 5 minutes for each pic to load in a cyber café. Are they aspiring to get a chance in fecal quality Nepali movies? Well!! If that’s the case I got nothing to say. If you really want to do Nepali movies you are justified to lose whatever respect you have right away than slowly deal with it.

But this has got to stop somewhere. Quality people quality. If you really want to jump over a cliff you might as well wear a nice dress and get drunk on champagne. Packaging is the key here. Nudity in the name of fashion is taken with both arms. It serves some purpose as well. Expression, art and many other tags can be dangled to it. But unnatural looking, 2 piece clad pictures on a boat in Fewa lake in mid-winter is truly constipating even for smelly, desperate fellows. So girls if you are reading this, you are being laughed at even though you are trying hard to seduce us. We are not impressed at all. Get a life. Go study plus two again. Thank god your parents don’t know how to use a computer and browse the internet. Otherwise that would have been it for your pocket money.